10 more traits of a gym douchebag
More gym douche bag traits…
I wrote about the Top 10 traits of a gym douchebag a couple of weeks ago and due to the overwhelming response, I now have another 10 to add to this seemingly ever-growing list!
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His singlet seems to be missing some material. Don’t get me started on the shorts…
#11 Thin-strapped singlets
Skimpy tops are common amongst the ‘roid-boys’ who usually have an extraordinary physique (regardless of their obvious lack of subtlety).
But it’s when ‘Johnny-No-Guns’ dons the spaghetti-straps and reveals his ‘moobs’ to the entire gym in a deluded attempted to wow an imaginary female audience that we find ourselves either rolling around the floor with laughter, or bleaching our eyes in disgust.
Beware Moobie-two-shoes, if your nipples are showing at ANY time, that puts you at number one on the ’2010 Douchebag-Ladder™’
#12 Exercising too close to the racks
Why in the Hell do you need to exercise right on top of the weights rack? Are you are fricken magnet? Perhaps you’re allergic to the free space found EVERYWHERE ELSE on the gym floor. Some of us need to use the weights found on the ACTUAL rack behind you.
Please don’t snarl at me as I interupt your set which is interrupting the entire fricken gym!
Move your arse to somewhere more suitable away from the weight-rack. Like Planet Douchebag.
See that rack behind you? Yeah, people are actually using it.
#13 PT’s on cell phones whilst with clients
Why Mr PT, are you on your cell phone? Did your client pay you for your attention deficit disorder? Oh wait, it’s the last client you trained with the dynamite body whom you are now hitting on.
Get laid on your own time buddy. The person lying there crushed under the barbell was the person you SHOULD have been paying attention to.
#14 Calling friends whilst training
“Yeh dude, I’m at the gym wailing on my pecs, bout to blast my lats. Then we can hit the clubs k bro?”
Listen buddy, I don’t need to hear how many ladies you are going to smash, nor if anyone of your bro’s gives a toot about the supposed 400 pounds you just benched. There’s a whole line of people waiting to use your bench who aren’t meeting your homies down at the club later. Get back to training already ya douche.
#15 Huge breaks between sets
Rest time between sets is important, we ALL know that. However, it needs to be limited so the OTHER clientèle have a shot at using the bench you’ve just sweated all over.
The 10 minute break you’re on and choosing to talk to your gym-buddies in, has now made you a prime cut of grade-A-douche-meat.
#16 Personal space in classes
Those that do Body Attack and the like, know you have to be there 10 minutes early to claim your spot on the floor. If you turn up late to a class, don’t stand on top of the people already there FFS! Your 300lb ego can’t squeeze into the gap between 2 people already setup and raring to go.
Everyone at the douche store rang, and they want their bag back.
#17 Folks that treat the locker-room like home
The locker room isn’t an area to trim toenails, dead skin or any other reserved-for-home kinds of activities. Also, if I see you with a camera in the locker room taking pix of your lats in the mirror, I won’t find you and your pre-pubescent buddies hilarious. I’ll find you, and throw you down the nearest staircase.
#18 People telling you what to do
Ever have people just walk up to you and tell you what to do? Unless you are a PT offering form-correcting advice, I don’t need Mr Universe telling me how to put on muscle mass.
I left my syringes in the locker room meat-head, I’m doing this sh*t naturally. Oh wait, you’re wearing a spaghetti-strapped singlet. And I can see you nipples.
Nuff said.
I can do that. I just don’t wanna
#19 Under-training
Why do I see over-weight people chatting to each other whilst at Level 1 on the treadmill? Hey there fatty-boombalada, do you think all those diet-sodas will work off themselves?
If you can hold a conversation to the person next to you, maybe bump it to Level 2, as you just aren’t trying hard enough.
That’ll teach those cankles who’s boss!
#20 Performing ridiculously difficult exercises
So you can squat on a fitball whilst juggling 3 dumbbells, an iPod and your ego all at the same time. That’s fine and dandy in the circus. This is a gym however, and I just want to punch you in the face with a dumbbell.
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Editor’s note: Ok, so that last one made me sound a bit jealous. But besides that, this list is continuing to grow. Has anything been left out from the douchebag list? Comment below.
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