Top 10 traits of a gym douchebag
We’ve all experienced the dreaded gym ‘douche-bag’ and we often let it fly and don’t not say anything (Let’s face it – it’s easier to be nice and let things slide than to cause a scene).
How can you recognize one? What if you ARE one and don’t realise it? Here is a list of things that you can measure yourself against to see if you’re one of the culprits.
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#10 Wearing thongs(flip-flops) or jeans
There is no excuse for wearing either of these two items to the gym. You are there to train hard, not to look like you don’t give a rats. The whole ‘I’m just casually in the gym, with my casual attire lifting a lazy 300lbs on the bench’ makes you look like a ‘Grade-A Douchebag™’, not like the super-hero you’re making out to be. Please dress appropriately.
#9 Selfish personal trainers
Ok, I get that you’re with a client and they have paid mega-bux to be in the gym with you right now. That DOESN’T give you an excuse to tie-up three stations at once, or push-in without asking when someone else is using the chin-up bar.
Ask nicely like everyone else does. Just because you have Personal Trainer written on your shirt in size 300pt Helvetica doesn’t mean you are any more important than the rest of us.
#8 Bicep curls in the power rack
There are dozens of ezy-curl bars, straights bars and dumbbells already setup with increment after tiny increment of poundages so you don’t even have to add more to the bar. Why then, would someone stand in the power rack doing curls with a 44lb bar and a couple of 5lb weights ‘clipped’ tightly to either side? These racks are for SQUATS and DEADLIFTS. Using equipment for exercises other than there intended purposes sets you up for the ‘King of Douche™’ award.
#7 Using multiple stations (but not sharing)
No I don’t mean using 2 stations at once– That is fine. You just need to SHARE with your fellow gym members. When someone asks you ‘do you mind if I work in’ – LET THEM, they won’t bite, they want to be out of the gym and on their way to that nightclub full of hot-chicks just as much as you do.
A towel is a gym-goers best friend.
#6 Trying to lift too much weight
Who isn’t impressed when Joe Blow loads up the squat-rack with 6 plates a side and busts out 6 reps of testosterone inducing fury – we aren’t so impressed, however, when Joe has legs akin to a stick creature and proceeds to move the weight about an inch lower than where it started on each stroke-inducing repetition. If you can’t lift it, don’t act like you can – It’ll set you up for an ‘Olympic Gold medal in Douchery’ and perhaps a trip to the hospital if we’re lucky.
#5 Unnecessary grunting
We get it. Weights are heavy, and you have to lift them from point A to point B. Let’s not make the distance between those two points equal the decibel level of a Vuvuzela blown straight into your ear canal at point-blank range. Acting like an animal by grunting as if you’re lifting the gym itself is only acceptable when you are actually LIFTING THE GYM ITSELF. Being a show-pony gets you a featured article in the ‘Book of douche-ness™’.
#4 Not using a towel
Nothing grinds ones gears more than having to wipe down someone else’s sweat before starting an exercise. Bike machines, ellipticals and benches – it seems nowhere is safe from the dreaded sweat-monster. Unless your sweat is made of gold or it turns to diamonds when coming into contact with a piece of gym equipment, please use a towel.
#3 Not wearing deodorant
Who hasn’t been subjected to armpit-fumes-from-hell as they sprint the ¼ mile towards ’6-pack abdomination’ before? Hey buddy, I get it – you’ve had garlic the night before and probably a shower a few months ago, but wouldn’t a couple of applications of BO-basher upgrade you from Neanderthal to human being? Douche those pits, douchebag.
#2 Wearing ‘fashion’ t-shirts
A lot of us wear our training tees pretty fitted, but that doesn’t mean you have to look like a condom full of almonds in Giorgio Armani. Gyms are for training tees and the like. Leave your designer Hugo Boss vest at home. I can see your nipples. Like, seriously.
#1 Staring at yourself in the mirror
There is nothing wrong with checking your form in a nearby mirror. This is key to a strong mind-muscle connection. But when you’re about to crush your mate’s face due to the fact your double-bicep-pose was more important than spotting him, you need to re-asses your ‘Level of Douchery™’.
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Editors Note: Are you a culprit and disagree with the above? Or do you have an addition or the list? Have your say in the comments below.
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